Space Marines Before Warhammer 40K: A New Page in the Book of Grudges

Just a little fun with the creative originality of Space Marines and the trademark status of the term. This is by Mark Rattner, published 1977. Look, Drop Pods!

Why poke the Imperium? Because Squats do not forgive or forget, but prefer to relive the insults and fuel the grudge-engines. Thus:

White Dwarf 240 (January 2000)

This is the issue that spawned forth the lies about the extinction of the Squats, in the Mailbox page (p. 97). The letter and response are below.

Letter from Concerned Squats Commander

“WE WANT SQUATS!
Sorry, I just assumed this was how most people have been reacting since the Squats were dropped from the 40K universe. This race was the reason I joined the Games Workshop family in the first place. If I was so impatient back in mid-2nd edition and started collecting my second choice army (Space Marines), I would have quickly lost interest and never became the obsessed freak over the game that I am today.

The history and characteristics of the Squats are interesting and unique in the 40K universe. In the 2nd edition rules they were a mix of Orks, Imperial Guard, and Space Marines... with a grudge! The honor, toughness, and excellent weaponry (I would have loved to see a Mole Mortar in action) were the big draws to this under-appreciated army. Also, something very cool about the 40K universe was the fact that it was a sci-fi mirror of the Fantasy world. Nearly every race from Fantasy had its high-tech cousins represented in the 'far, distant future', and that's how the people liked it! Would you even consider robbing the Fantasy world of Dwarfs. With their wonderful weapons and bitter-sweet rivalry with the Elves? I don't think so! Nor should we players of 40K have to do without. Just the humble opinion of one dedicated fan. Tim Gutierrez”

Response from Games Workshop

“Would you believe they were all eaten by the Tyranid invasion? Or, due to the Squats biker life style, everyone of the was arrested for disturbing the peace and sacrificed to the Emperor. Where do you think they get all of those souls anyway? All kidding aside, it doesn't seem likely the Squats will ever again see the light of day. When they were out they never seemed very popular, showed up at our stores, or tournaments, and didn't sell on top of all that [Note that this claim is directly contradicted by Jervis Johnson in 2002]. Their look was really outdated compared to the hundreds of other great Warhammer 40,000 models. Don't send us hate mail, it's just the cold hard facts of the 41st Millennium.”

Commentary from Hungry Ghosts

Would you believe you sound like a huge dick? All kidding aside, this is a flippant and disrespectful response to a devoted and enthusiastic customer about a favorite product. Comments like this are why there is so much Internet Hate for Games Workshop.

But let's make it clear: the “Eaten by Tyranids” comment is not Warhammer 40K Canon. It is just an asinine comment by an unidentified GW employee who does not understand:
1. Squats (very few of them have a Biker lifestyle, and the comment about the lifestyle is insulting to actual real world human bikers),
2. GW's business (Squats were not selling poorly),
3. or customer service (the sarcastic tone of the response).
Let us also make it clear: Based on our source above, there is an equal chance that “The Emperor Ate All The Squats” as “The Tyranids Ate All The Squats”.

And never forget this admission:

The Book of Grudges will never run out of pages.

Thunder Chiefs Rough Riders Number 9: Spinne Sluitdiep

The newest Hungry Ghost to be finished is the 9th of 10 Rough Riders from the Thunder Chiefs gang, Otzo "Spinne" Spuitdiep. Spinne is the first in what will be a growing series of "Squats That Are Not". Yes, Chaos Dwarfs have been converted into 40K Hungry Ghosts, and Storm Tpr. Spyham is the Ork Tinboy Squat. But Spinne is a bunch of bits, none of which are of Squats origin.

As the picture shows, Spinne's Cycle is speeding across the battlefield, crushing all those who get in his way. In this case, it is Necromunda Pit Slave 1 smashed against the front shield. The Pit Slaves in general make for fine victims in their posing, and we recently saw Slave 3 beneath the wheel of Thunder Chief Ken, and Slave 2 will appear with Thunder Chief Trollo soon.

Pit Slave 3, Unterm Rad, for you Hermann Hesse fans

Back to Spinne. Spinne was painted to emphasize the many rivets, gears, divots, and other round bits found on the pieces of his bike and body. The riveted shield PS1 is splattered on is from the Ork Hop Splatt Field Gun, with the Front Wheel and Handlebars it covers coming from the standard Rogue Trader Ork Bike. The Shield was embellished with a WFB Dwarf Warrior Head Symbol, a large spike, and a Chain Sword Blade.

The Chain Sword blade is the one that was removed from Blood Eagles Trooper Brew Ithica. As said in the days of the Deodorant-Hover Tank long ago, never throw anything away. That Chain Sword Blade is the only piece of Spinne & Bike that are actually from the Squats miniatures; the Dwarf Warrior Head is the only bit from the Dwarfs.

The Chain Sword and Spike also provide support to keep the Pit Slave attached more effectively. And because I can't leave anything alone, you Necromunda Obsessives out there may have noticed that Pit Slave 1 did not come with a metal mouth-guard originally. It is from a from a WFB Empire Knight, and though it does match well with the tire strapped to the Pit Slave's shoulder, I literally found it on the floor while walking from the Shelf of Many Catalogs to the Mighty Place of Painting Miniatures.

From the other side, the skull face on the Hop-Splatt Shield can be glimpsed. To complement the many rivets and such, I used a lot of bits with eyes or faces for the cycle, including the small lion head from a WFB Empire Cannon and two Space Marines Gun Scopes in the center of the shield. They line-up with Spinne's eyes to give him a double-dose of cybernetic vision enhancements. They also work to create a nice black/grey ribbed pattern extending from the Pit Slaves shoulder to the Scopes and then to Spinne's Horns, as can be seen below as well (the Horns came from a plastic Beastman Gor Warrior Head).
Now Spinne. Most noticeable is that having extra limbs lets Spinne steer his motorcycle and wield two weapons at the same time - Spinne has a Chaos Warrior Spiked Mace taking the role of the Rough Rider Explosive-Tipped Lance (yes, the use of an exploding mace is meant to turn the Ridiculous Meter to 11). The rest of the arm is made from part of the Gorkamorka Big Grabba Blowtorch and green stuff, with the armor plating from some High Elves or Dark Elves sprue that is newer than the 2006-07 Catalog, so I am not sure where exactly. Spinne's other upper arm wields his Lasgun, which is a Death Korps of Krieg version from Forge World.

From the right side again, Spinne's upper right arm is visible, from the Necron Destroyer Lord set with another bit of armor. Spinne's right leg and left middle arms are both visible as well. These bits, as well as the obscured left leg and right middle arm are taken from the Chaos Dreadnought Power Scourge. The clawed ends are used for the limbs, but the upper segment has not gone to waste - it is the piece that attaches the back end of the cycle to the front section, with Spinne positioned above it.

The complicated conversion makes it tough to get a good look at Spinne all at once, but this angle combined with the other pictures lets us see Spinne's head and upper body well. The bulk of Spinne, his head and torso, are an Epic-scale 40K Imperial Knight Titan Paladin, the metal version. Like the bike bits, it is nicely detailed with rivets and straps and circular protrusions of unknown purpose. But they provide an excellent way to break up Spinne's overall shape, along with the limbs, giving him a futuristic Cities of Death camouflage scheme should his bike be destroyed.

Though very difficult to see, Spinne proves his Dwarf-origins by having a long braided beard flowing from his cyber-chin. It is the flame-colored pointed bit visible below the haft of the mace. Like the horns, the beard is from a plastic Beastman Gor head. Legends whispered in the dark intimate that, unlike the Imperial lies about the entirety of the Squats race, Spinne was devoured by Tyranids. Or almost devoured- leaving only his beard, horns, and hatred available to rebuild him.

The rear section of Spinne's bike provides the propulsive force. Skulls with trailing spines provide air-intake while expelling noxious exhaust, on both sides of the engine. They are made from the Vampire Counts Mounted Wight Horn Blower Arms, with the arm removed. Next to the Skeletal-pipes are halves of the Smoke Launcher from the Chaos Vehicle Accessory Sprue 2. Maybe they launch smoke, maybe they are sensors, maybe they're the "check engine" lights. It's a future space-engine, so they're mostly there to look cool.
Another view of the Skeletal engine system, showing how the curves of the Wight Horn Spines flow into the curve of Spinne's legs which point toward the front wheel, providing a wave-form visually integrating Spinne with his cycle. The Smoke-Launcher halves have been painted to match the Gun Scopes attached to the gap in the front shield, providing a trio of steel and red pairs of machinery. Similarly, the red-on-brass round protrusions forming Spinne's mouth and on his shoulders are re-emphasized by using the gears of the tracks and the forks of the front wheel assembly.

Aside from my most obvious preference for complicated designs, I feel that many painters, including the Games Workshop staff, tend to ignore the possibilities presented by the details of the sculpture of the models, both artistically and (admittedly imaginarily) functionally. So Hungry Ghosts will also point out at this time that even the details of the tracks and tires can be used to increase the effectiveness of the overall appearance of a model.

Similarly, as best shown from this angle, the use of red for the tips of many of the triangular areas - the claw tips, mace-spikes, end of the beard, gun tip, chain sword, and the ridge of spikes on the Wight horns - focus attention toward the outer edges of the model, enhancing its apparent size. Visual effects that enhance apparent size are a common evolutionary strategy. As is the use of patterns that have the appearance of eyes, used to either create the illusion that an organism can see in a direction it cannot, or to distract from the actual eyes, to make it less likely that a predator can bite a head off a smaller critter. But in the Hungry Ghosts army, as in all the Warhammer Universe, heads also make fine decorations and gifts, and should be used as much as possible to please Khorne.
Now for a direct look at the back of the bike. As we can see, more skulls, more bright red circles surrounded by metal. This section also uses ridged patterns extensively. Along with the spines of the Wight-horns, a crown of spikes has been placed over the middle skull (Ork Boyz armor bit), and a feathered-winged skeletal angel is used as Spinne's seat-back (mid-90s Space Marine Chaplain 4's Power Maul). The large spiked pole in the center of the cycle, indelibly stained red with the blood of Elves, is a Chaos Dreadnought Trophy Rack.

The main bits forming the rear end of the cycle are a Space Marines Vindicator Tank Hydraulics bit that the tracks are attached to, and the grabby-end of the Big Grabba from the Gorkamorka Big Grabba truck. The large engine piece sporting the large center pipe and the tubing bending down into the nether regions are most likely from an Ork vehicle or very big gun, but I gave up searching the catalogs before I could find it. Only so many sanity points left... Anyway, a couple more plastic bits were added for fun, the big red bulb is part of a plastic IG Flamer Backpack, and the thin upwardly pointing pipe is from one of the Dark Eldar guns (I think).

In the end, Spinne was a complicated and fun romp through the bits box. Hopefully I will not drop him.

And there is always more crazy heading down the highway.

Squats in White Dwarf 2000-2004, Historia Squataticus Volume 4.1

Introductory Mea Culpa. It is the end of another earth year, and Hungry Ghosts has exceeded his target in only one area: number of surgical operations. 4 instead of 2! And somehow I have 30 Squats and Scrunts in various stages of completion and have not actually finished the 1500 point army minis. Attention deficit! Then hours snuffling through the internets trying to figure out if last name is Croatian or Ukrainian, instead of finishing the White Dwarf Squat Review. Blown off course, but think last name is Croatian for 'person from the small cave'! Freakishly accurate description of Hungry Ghosts in his basement apartment full of Dwarfs!

Too Many Puppies! Listen to Primus!

Anyway, here is the last post for 2010, which covers Squats in White Dwarf up to the coming of Warhammer 40K 4^th Edition. It will necessarily be more impressionistic and oblique in its analysis, given the low frequency of our quarry. Another dwarf pun! It's going to be quite the ride.

Part 11: Blackout for the Squats in the Black Age, 2000-2004 (Issues 241-295)

Now the Squats are barred from passing the Cadian Gates into the Warhammer 40K 3^rd Ed rulebook, it is a Black Age for the Bearded indeed. But the real reasons I have named this period the Black Age, in contrast to the Red Period and the Great Green Period of the 1990s, are largely non-Squat related. Just like the Red and Great Green Periods.

The Black Age was brought about by changes in printing technology that allowed cheaper publication of glossy black inks on lighter paper than before. GW took advantage of this, filling the pages of White Dwarf, the Rulebook, and the Codexes with black backgrounds and grey-scale or computer-green text. The blister package card stock adopted the dominant black/grey/metallic scheme as well.

The minis became darker as well. The Imperial Guard went to drab tones and camo-schemes, and 1000 flavors of grey-scale tanks. This was a move away from the Ultramarine Mordian Army and Sunburst Yellow ammo clips for Cadians, and toward natural environmental toned Valhallans, Storm Troopers, and Catachans. The focus in the Space Marine world turned to the Black Templars, Grey Knights, Black Dragons, and Salamanders, while the shade of the Dark Angels and Blood Angels dimmed. Chapters like the Space Wolves and Ultramarines were given the Cadian treatment, abandoning the bright yellow and red accessories for metal and fur.

On the Xenos side, Ork Klans were strongly de-emphasized, resulting in lots of black armor and dark silver weapons. Similarly, the variation among Chaos Powers was reduced, putting more emphasis on Chaos Undivided, which used largely the same colors as the Orks (Iron Warriors) to avoid any sense of allegiance to a particular patron. Dark Eldar adopted a similar dress code. Only Imperial Fists and Eldar Harlequins dared to wear bright primary colors.

Watch our spines fade to black...

White Dwarf 241 (February 2000)

The first half of this issue introduces the refreshed Imperial Guard. Remaining on the army list are slow-witted thugs and butterball thieves, and fracking fur-hatted horsemen. But not the technological adept and highly honorable Squats. Is that the kind of Imperium you want to live in? Do you really think that you can use prayer to repair your Rhinos?

This issue also tells of glorious actions of the Guard. One tale involves the Valhallans invading a planet already occupied by Demiurg (p. 27-28). The Valhallans exterminate the Demiurg by making a surprise attack with vastly more troops and better equipment after plenty of orbital bombardment. And they sustain terrible casualty rates despite these advantages. This sounds barely competent, not glorious. And from an Imperial propaganda source as well. The true losses must have been catastrophic.

And we will note, as GW has made clear several times, these Demiurg are not a new version of Squats anymore than Tau are. Though they are said to be squat in stature compared to humans and to engage in mining activities, they are also poor mountaineers and bad at close-quarters combat.

***

White Dwarf 242-243 (March-April 2000): none

***

White Dwarf 244 (May 2000):

This issue introduced the Skulz program of buyer rewards. Yes, my Beardlings, once upon a time, a time that lasted until the mid-2000s, Games Workshop was a company that held sales prices for new releases and store openings, and had a reasonable buyer loyalty reward program.

Included was a set of Adeptus Mechanicus miniatures (2 of the 9 shown above, the Magos and his Assistant). In response to a reader letter, it is reported that the Adeptus Mechanicus set was made as part of an attempt to develop the Ad.Mech as an army that was stalled indefinitely.

Painted pictures of this interesting and intricate series of minis can be seen at the link below.
http://solegends.com/citle/citle2000/Skulz/skulzadeptus/skulzadeptus.htm

***

White Dwarf 245-252 (June 2000-January 2001): none

***

White Dwarf 253 (February 2001):

This issue introduces the 3^rd edition Tyranids. There is no mention of Squat-eating or much else other than the famous assaults on Ultramar and Iyanden. Plus any Tyranids that ingested Squat genetic material would have beards and Bone Axes, not Bone Swords. The Tyrant Guard are reported to be evolved from eating Space Marines (WD 255, p. 5): Where are the bearded Nids?

Troll 37, March/April 2001

***

White Dwarf 254 (March 2001):

The letters page of this issue informs us that the WFB Dwarf Goblobber is another item now considered too silly to be coming back for 6^th edition (p. 55).

***

White Dwarf 255 (April 2001):

The Imperium has had close combat with the H'rud since the Horus Heresy and still can't produce a description of the buggers (p. 20-21).

GW also embarks on what will ultimately be another half-hearted effort to promote Epic-scale 40K on p. 106.

***

White Dwarf 256 (May 2001):

Here we have an ad for the 2001 Games Day in Baltimore, which shows off the limited edition model from a new army. This fellow is a Birdman called a Kroot Shaper, whose race learned to fly by eating Orks. He is the Lord High Ambassador of Silly Names. You can almost hear Terry Jones in horrid drag screeching "then 'e brought 'ome the Kroot Shaper! Wot am I to do with a Kroot Shaper? 'e won't sit on the sofa and keeps after my DNA."

And what is up with GW and its fetish with flesh-eaters? Seriously Games Workshop. Hungry Ghosts is a psychologist and can help you. Yes, the Hungry Ghosts are flesh-gnawing revenants, but they are doomed to chew but never swallow, and are under the medical supervision of Doc-Bot KillMaim666-74445369 and Snotling Nurse Dammit.

GW, the first baby step is to stop referring to the mail order staff as “long pigs”.

Also in this issue, the White Scars Space Marines take over the non-Greenskin Bad-Ass Biker niche formerly occupied by the Squats (p. 78).

***

White Dwarf 257-261 (June-October 2001): none

***

White Dwarf 262 (November 2001):

The Skulz program ends and the Adeptus Mechanicus will never become a real army. Also Lord of the Rings comes into town, which brings us to a new stage of Games Workshop short-attention span theater as they try to juggle 3 Core Games as well as the Specialist Games. And Black Library fiction, video games, movies, ccgs, Forge World etc..

***

White Dwarf 263-269 (December 2001-June 2002): none

***

White Dwarf 270 (July 2002):

Once again GW would like you all to stop asking about Malal (p. 24). Who's Malal? Call the Mail Order Trolls and ask to speak with Kaleb.

***

White Dwarf 271-272 (August-September 2002): nein

***

White Dwarf 273 (October 2002):

While discussing the new 40K Chaos Marines codex, Andy Chambers mentions reviewing “a scarily precise, unpublished treatise on the nature of Chaos written by Rick Priestly in the late '80s” (p. 103). What is this mystery treatise and what secrets does it hold? Damn Harlequins. “You must be this tall for a Black Library card” my ass.

***

White Dwarf 274-283 (November 2002 - August 2003): nyet

***

White Dwarf 284 (September 2003):

The article "Index Malleus: The Lost and the Damned" reports:

Across the widely spread legions of the Emperor's crusade new allies were welcomed for the aid they could render in the great task of freeing Humanity. Even mutants of particular strains judged stable enough were permitted to prosper and fight in the rank of the Imperial Guard. This is a practice which remains to this day, although under drastically tighter constraints of genetic purity than was once the case. (p. 99-100)

Good enough to battle side-by-side with the Emperor, but not good enough for today's Guard? This reeks of hubris. Inquisitor, inquisite thyself!

GW would also like you to stop asking about Space Skaven (p. 62).

***

White Dwarf 285 (October 2003):

A second report of the allegedly glorious, yet drastically lop-sided, victory of the Valhallans over the Demiurg, a word-for-word repeat of the content in issue 241. As we can see, this new Demiurg race is really getting hit with the GW Development Stick. (p. 95)

***

White Dwarf 286-287 (November-December 2003): guess!

***

White Dwarf 288 (January 2004):

GW would really like you to stop asking about 40K Skaven (p. 81).

At this point, we must suspect that GW is publishing multiple letters about Space Skaven because they provide a jokey way to reduce their guilt over the Squats. Clearly White Dwarf received responses to the comments about the Squats in Issue 240's letter page, and does not want to face the issue directly and responsibly.

***

White Dwarf 289 (February 2004):

In a biography of Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka, the Green Monster is reported to have inscribed upon a fallen Warlord Titan tales of his victories and power. Thraka claims that his army "crushed the stunties on Golgotha" and had done so despite the intervention of Commissar Yarrick. The article reports that the whole of Golgotha Sector was lost to the Imperium. (p. 108)

So Games Workshop does remember the Squats, and remembers where they live as well. But strangely only Thraka refers to the Squats, while the article refers to "tech-adepts" in "heavily defended strongholds" (p. 107).

To hide a shameful defeat by an alleged hero of the Imperium, the existence of the race that instructed the Imperium in the art of crafting War Machines, was denied. The only testimony is that of an Ork. Way to twist the knife in the back, GW, and please set us on fire next!

Even this idiot one-eyed fungus with a gun can see the Squats!

***
White Dwarf 290 (March 2004): nope.

***

White Dwarf 291 (April 2004):

In a Chapter Approved article about alien critters and Xenos mounts, the H'rud are reported to have "conducted highly effective hit-and-run attacks focused on destroying ammunition and fuel stockpiles." (p. 81)

This firmly establishes the H'rud as not Squats in disguise. Because those disguises would just make their poor hit-and-run attempts more fumbly. And because Squats take your ammo and fuel for their stockpiles, they don't waste it.

***

White Dwarf 292 (May 2004):

More playful denials of Space Skaven in the letters page (p. 71). You can suppress it all you want, but you cannot forget what you did.

***

White Dwarf 293 (June 2004):

The Warhammer Fantasy Battle world has also been cruel to the Chaos Dwarfs as well, with just a crummy Ravening Hordes pamphlet army list. This month sees the release of the Chaos Hellcannon with 3 Chaos Dwarf Crew, the first Chaos Dwarfs in a long time. (there have also been sporadic mentions of the popularity of Chaos Dwarf armies in the tournament scene).

These fellows are a nice combination of 1980s Chaos Dwarf helmets with 1990s Chaos Dwarf beards.

***

White Dwarf 294 (July 2004): none

***

White Dwarf 295 (August 2004):

A history of Warhammer 40K in advance of the release of the 4th edition rules doesn't mention Squats at all. (p. 84-91)

***

We end this volume with sadness.

The Imperium has attempted to erase from history their best and oldest allies.

It has attempted to relieve its guilt with avoidant chatter about Space Skaven several times.

One gets the feeling that there was a ban on any references to the Squats during these years, with Thraka's comment surviving because it used 'stunties' instead of 'Squats'.

All 1s on the Plasma Guns for the Squats in the 2000s

As time goes on, we will see GW become a bit more relaxed about their crimes, and allow the small shoots of a Springtime for Squats poke their hairy little bulbs through the snow. But that will be a story for next year.

Squats in White Dwarf 1996-2000, Historia Squataticus Volume 3

This is the third half of my adventure through the volumes of White Dwarfs to record the great achievements of the might Squat race. Like many third halves, it arrived like a Vorpal Kitten: Great fun, but completely unexpected.

The first two halves of the Historia Squataticus were based on some notes I had taken on the side about 5 years ago, while primarily looking through my White Dwarfs for Eldar material. I stopped at about issue 200 because there were no new articles with the Squats in a leading role since issue 190, and no new Squats minis since the Thunderfire for Epic. I was not yet fully possessed with the Chaos Squats Fever and did not take the time to look beyond the headline for additional writings about the Squats.

Knowing this, for Historia Squataticus Vols 1 & 2 I looked through each White Dwarf anew, for discussion or artwork involving the Squats in articles not directly about them. So Gavin Thorpe's article in WD 191 stating that the Squats were the creators of most of the Epic Ordinatus War Machines came as much as a surprise to me as to you.

This of course means that the review must continue beyond 1995's issues of White Dwarf, for completeness and because there are still important unanswered questions. When was the final appearance of the Squats in White Dwarf? From whence did the “Eaten by Tyranids” myth arise? Is a silly name such a handicap? Will Gavin Thorpe's contradictory claims about the Squats leave him in the Book of Grudges?

Part 9: Squats Fade to Black, 1996-1998

While we have pleasantly re-discovered that the written life of the Squats continued in the pages of White Dwarf long after the production of new 40K Squats models was halted. But they appeared under the names of other forces, and were declared to be Innovators and Engineers for the Adeptus Mechanicus and The Cult of The Machine God. Squats also continued their trigger-happy thousand-year march under the banner of the Eight-Pointed Star with Bolters (and worse) eternally ready for action.

But we also know that the AM Ordinatus War Machines were the last models released by Games Workshop for the Epic Space Marine/Titan Legions 2nd Edition rules. Due to the termination of this iteration of ESM, there were several planned models were not put into general release, most prominently the long awaited Eldar Exodites.

The 3rd Edition of Epic, now named Epic 40,000, would introduce many new miniatures, replacing nearly all of the previous models and infantry sprues in the late 1990s. These minis made each Epic Armies have more unified appearance, and more similar in appearance to the Warhammer 40K vehicles available at the time and those that would come. The new Chaos sprue did not include Chaos Squats.

These will be rough years for the Squats, and our best hope for their survival is in the flacts of 40K articles about other races and armies, and defiant Golden Demon entries. But that is small beer indeed.


White Dwarf 193 (February 1996) (there was no North American WD dated January 1996)
p. 73-77: “Unsung Heroes” Infantry Tactics for Epic by Adrian Wood, including Squats. Properly notes that Squat Thunderers are the best Heavy Infantry.
***

White Dwarf 194 (March 1996)
p. 39-43: “Converting The Mighty Abominatus, Chaos Lord Titan of Khorne”. Bow before the Blood God Made Metal! Adrian Wood's army features many converted Titans of Khorne (built and maintained by Chaos Squats), and legions of Squat troopers at their feet.

p. 83: Squat-manufactured Leviathan shown under Imperial command against Tyranids.
***

White Dwarf 195 (April 1996)
p. 69: Games Day Epic Mass Battle invites players to “bring one Titan or Squat super heavy vehicle”
***

White Dwarf 196 (May 1996)
p. 29: Games Day Epic Mass Battle invites players to “bring one Titan or Squat super heavy vehicle”
***

White Dwarf 197 (June1996)
p. 39: Hurrmm... “Many Imperial anthropologists and religious researchers have put forward the theory that the Ratskins are descended from the original Adeptus Mechanicus who colonized Necromunda.”

Soo.. some human homeworlds emerge from the anthropocentric Dark Age of Technology and Age of Strife with a superior physique and an advanced technology, go on to supply the Imperium with the critical technology and the blood of many battle-brothers to allow it to survive the Horus Heresy and a thousand thousand Waaaghs, and get declared “silly.” Others emerge living and dressing like Skaven and are somehow “cool”. Book of Grudges for you, Ratskins Gang. Book of Grudges.

p. 94-107: “Reign of Fire” Epic 40,000 battle report using new objectives rules (Greenskins vs Red Smurfs). Picture for Rescue objective shows a Squat Colossus (p. 94)
***

White Dwarf 198 (July 1996)
p. 55-59: Necromunda Scavvies, Scalies, Pit Zombies rules by Andy Chambers, 'Eavy Metal pictures of same and Pit Slaves.

“The most common Human sub-species in the Imperium are the abhuman races of Ogryns, Ratlings, and Squats [as if a Squat would mate with aught but another Squat]. The Scalies are another such sub-species.” (p. 57) Scavvies and Scalies, and the Squats cry “who has the silly name?” into the Ash Wastes...
***

White Dwarf 199 (August 1996)
p. 10-19: Introduction of the 2nd Ed 40K Chaos Codex, in which the Chaos Gods were considered to be of differing power, with Khorne the most powerful, then Tzeentch, Nurgle, and finally Slaanesh. (p. 14)

Also nicely converted World Eaters Marines from Fred Marcarini's army (p. 26-7), and introduction to Abaddon the Despoiler (fluff & stats, p. 69-72), but no Squats (but we know who is engineering the Titans of the Black Crusades).
***

White Dwarf 200 (September 1996)
p. 21-25: “Faith in the Emperor” 40K article about designing armies with fluff in mind, p. 22 has John Blanche illustration on Inquisitor with a (probably) Squat Servitor

p. 78: Squat Cyclops by Shawn Gleason, 3rd place for Epic Titans Category
***

White Dwarf 201 (October 1996): Khârn the Betrayer Arrives, but no Chaos Squats follow him. Too fat of foot.
***

White Dwarf 202 (November 1996)
p. 5: News that Epic Space Marine/Titan Legions and their supplements will be removed from shelves on 30 Sept 1996, in anticipation of new rules and miniatures releases. It is not clear whether the existing Epic models were removed from circulation as well. This may be the date when sale of the Epic Squats line was ended, or perhaps removed to Mail Order only.
***

White Dwarf 203 (December 1996): None. Note that by this time the NA and UK White Dwarfs have become out of sync by a month. I'm not sure when it started, but my copy of 203 is the UK edition and dated November, same as the NA issue 202. All dates used have been, and will continue to be, the North America publication dates after the NA/UK date-disturbance.
***

White Dwarf 204 (January 1997)
p. 89 Index Astartes (of WD articles) includes Squats in Epic category (for Cyclops in WD 170)
***

White Dwarf 205 (February 1997): None
***

White Dwarf 206 (March 1997)
p. 23-27: “Small is Beautiful” by Adrian Wood, about small battles in 40K, p. 27 refers to battling Nick Davis's Squats.
***

White Dwarf 207 (April 1997)
p. 66: Epic 40,000 introductory article mentions Squat Army in previous edition of Epic
***

White Dwarf 208 (May 1997)
p. 8-15: Second Epic 40,000 introductory article points out that Rules Books in boxed set contain all the army lists for all of the races in this edition; planned are Chaos, Eldar, Imperial, Orks, and Tyranids. While we all know that GW's palantiri show things as they will be, might be, or may have been, but nonetheless this casts a Great Maw shaped-shadow over the Land Train depot.

p. 117: Epic Battle Report refers to Leviathan, but as an Imperial vehicle. The Shadow Grows.
***

White Dwarf 209 (June 1997)
p. 57: The Emperor's propagandists once again claim the Leviathan as an Imperial Guard vehicle.
***

White Dwarf 210 (July 1997)
p. 108: Bitz and Archive minis now available in North America, making Squats easier to get there
***

White Dwarf 211 (August 1997): None
***
White Dwarf 212 (September 1997): None.
***
White Dwarf 213 (October 1997): None
***
White Dwarf 214 (November 1997): None
***

White Dwarf 215 (December 1997)
p. 61: Squat Thudd Gun shown in the collection of Master Model-Maker Dave Andrews. Dave Andrews has been an inspiration to Hungry Ghosts through his many excellent dioramas and hundreds of expertly converted miniatures; a man who makes full use of the Citadel bitz catalogs and beyond.

***
A Decade in the GRIMDARK Future

We are now approximately 10 years after the release of Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader and Epic-scale 40K. This is a shameful period of decadent barbarism for Games Workshop: Warhammer 40K 2nd edition comes with the foul Orks. Epic 40,000 comes with the vile Greenskins. And GorkaMorka spews forth, allowing the GW staff to revel in the Orky orgy of destruction of self-destruction and their shamefully barbaric attempts at engineering war machines. The corrupt Ork-fever even leads to the creation of a gang of humans who worship Orks as their technological and cultural superiors (the Diggas).

Table 37: Imperials and Eldar Welcome Orks as Allies but Not Squats!

Much is made of the Infamous Red Period of the early 1990s, but less is said about this Ork-Dominated Great Green Period that followed in the later 1990s. In addition to the growing hordes of Orks in every game possible, the 40K and Epic table-tops have become traffic-snarled pits of green Imperial Guard tanks and infantry in sensible camouflage patterns. The Great Green Period also featured a Bad Moon Nob's Teef number of Dark Angels Space Marines articles. A pox-wagon full of Nurgle followers (Great Unclean One, Plaguebearers, Nurglings, Plague Marines) would start off the redesign of the Chaos Daemons. The 40K and Epic Leaf-Muncher studio armies are painted in the green and white colors of Biel-Tan. Meanwhile in the new WFB 5th edition, the Old World is dominated by Lizardmen and lush jungle terrain.

There may have been some Bretonnians as well, but they dress like Harlequins and are not to be taken seriously. Nor was WFB 5th edition, which would soon be replaced with a 6th edition set featuring Orcs. Later, a 7th edition would be released featuring Goblins. And then those awesome Jungle Trees appeared in the Warhammer 40K 3rd Edition boxed set....

During the Great Green Period, even GW Staff wore GorkaMorka Green Shirts!

***

White Dwarf 216 (January 1998): None
***

White Dwarf 217 (February 1998):

p. 2: Editor's Soapbox reports that “What's happening with the Squats?” was the most common concern from meetings with US retailers. No response is given, report moves to other topics.
***

White Dwarf 218 (March 1998): None
***
White Dwarf 219 (April 1998): None
***
White Dwarf 220 (May 1998): None
***
White Dwarf 221 (June 1998): None
***
White Dwarf 222 (July 1998): None
***

White Dwarf 223 (August 1998)
p. 56: The Chaos Army arrives for Epic 40,000 with a new improved sprue of daemons and marines. Sadly, Chaos Squats were not on the sprue, and designers Tim Adcock and Aly Morrison are treading dangerously close to occupancy in The Book of Grudges. Yes, they had to get rid of the Space Trolls with Warp Clubs and the Warp Minotaurs with Space Axes on the old sprue, but bearded berzerkers with bolters and beer are beneficial on any battlefield.
***

White Dwarf 224 (September 1998)
p. 72-75: “Lords of Battle: Titan Tactics for the 41st Millenium” by Iain Compton. Mr Compton's article reflects the power of the Great Green Period by focusing on Orks, Imperials, and Eldar, all of whom use much green on their titans. So great is the pull of the Great Green Period at this time that Mr Compton reports that only Imperials and Orks build Imperator-size Titans, a claim demonstrated to be false by the presence of the mighty Abominatus of Khorne shown on page 101 of this very issue.

p. 100-101: Adrian Wood's Epic Khorne Titan Army from WD 194 reappears in ad for Epic Titan Bitz. Chaos Squat Troopers may be seen providing infantry support.
***

White Dwarf 225 (October 1998): None
***

Part 10: Welcome to the Memory Hole, 1998- 2000.

White Dwarf 226 (November 1998)
p. 12-37 : Warhammer 40K 3rd Edition is released in time for Christmas, a time when we gather in our torture chambers to worship sadistic pointy ear bastard races, as we have done for centuries past.

That was a joke. This is not a joke:
“The new Warhammer 40,000 book includes full army lists for all of the major armies – Space Marines, Eldar, Dark Eldar, Imperial Guard, Chaos Space Marines, Orks, Tyranids, Sisters of Battle, and Heroes of the Imperium [i.e., the freak show that became the Witch Hunters/Daemon Hunters in the early 2000s]” (p. 14)

Here the Dark Eldar are instantly invoked as a “major army” while Squats are erased from existence by GW's Thought Police. This Newspeak tidbit would earn GW the scorn of both Squats enthusiasts and Dark Eldar freaks, who would have to twist and writhe for over a decade before the next codex for their so-called major race.

To twist the truth further: “Now I can't guarantee that someone, somewhere won't have a specially converted Aspiring Champion of Khorne riding a unicycle with a warp banner that they can't use in the new lists, but 99% of the miniatures people have already collected will still be useable.” (p. 14)

Here we have a straw-man argument, one which manages to fall into both the class of “damn lies” and “statistics” in the “there are lies, damn lies, and statistics” scale of truthiness. Aside from the Squats, and many of the Chaos Renegades and Champions alleged otherwise right above, no longer useable miniatures would include Eldar Harlequins, Exodites, and Guardians armed with las weapons. No longer useable would be the many Imperial Army troopers and Space Marines with exotic weaponry (Webbers!) or vehicles (Imperial Jetbikes!). Also killed was the diverse bloody toothy froth that was Orky Kultcha....hundreds of miniatures released before 1991 were rendered useless.

Such is the Price we pay for “4 Complete Jungle Trees.”

The smoke-and-mirrors show continues as Andy Chambers shows us how easy it will be to tweak existing armies for 3rd Edition by using his Blood Angels (p. 20-21). A non-challenge in a game molded around maintaining Space Marine Fever, further eased by the fact that the 3rd Ed Blood Angels Codex was already pretty much done at the time. (p.27)

At least on p. 32 Jes Goodwin admits that the 2nd edition plastic Space Marines were terrible.
***

White Dwarf 227 (December 1998): None
***

White Dwarf 228 (January 1999)
p. 87: 40K 3rd Ed Questions & Answers reveals the great length to which GW would stretch its Myth of Model Usability put forth in issue 226:

Q: “In spite of reassurances that old armies would be compatible with new 40K, I've discovered that my Eldar Guardians can no longer have lasguns. Do I need to change their weapons to shuriken catapults?”

A: “Obviously you're confusing the alternative pattern shuriken catapults which have long been misidentified as lasguns by Imperial scholars. While the weapons carried by some Eldar Guardians bear some superficial resemblance to Imperial lasguns, closer examination reveals a number of differences... etc, etc. Just as with the power swords question above, it's not really necessary to change your models, simply make it clear what's going on at the start of the game. Of course since all Guardians use shurikens these days, there's nothing for the opponent to get confused about.”

The “I can't use my power swords and axes” problem was resolved with a recommendation to re-paint them as normal swords and axes or tell your opponent to ignore their high-tech appearance. The “what happened to Ork Clans?” concern was dismissed by saying you can paint your Orks whatever color you want but they will all be the same in game terms.

In the new Millennium, only the color of Space Marines would matter.

***

White Dwarf 229 (February 1999): None
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White Dwarf 230 (March 1999): None
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White Dwarf 231 (April 1999): None
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White Dwarf 232 (May 1999): None
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White Dwarf 233 (June 1999): None
***
White Dwarf 234 (July 1999): None?
It seems that I somehow have the southern hemisphere's version of White Dwarf 234. It contains substantial local material, including an excellent highly converted and diverse World Eaters Army belonging to Ian Dearie of the Perth region. But no Squats here, and probably not in any other versions of WD 234.
***
White Dwarf 235 (August 1999): None
***
White Dwarf 236 (September 1999): None
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White Dwarf 237 (October 1999): None
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White Dwarf 238 (November 1999): None
***
White Dwarf 239 (December 1999): None.
***

White Dwarf 240 (January 2000)

This is the issue that spawned forth the lies about the extinction of the Squats, in the Mailbox page (p. 97). The letter and response are below.

Letter from Concerned Squats Commander:

“WE WANT SQUATS!
Sorry, I just assumed this was how most people have been reacting since the Squats were dropped from the 40K universe. This race was the reason I joined the Games Workshop family in the first place. If I was so impatient back in mid-2nd edition and started collecting my second choice army (Space Marines), I would have quickly lost interest and never became the obsessed freak over the game that I am today.

The history and characteristics of the Squats are interesting and unique in the 40K universe. In the 2nd edition rules they were a mix of Orks, Imperial Guard, and Space Marines... with a grudge! The honor, toughness, and excellent weaponry (I would have loved to see a Mole Mortar in action) were the big draws to this under-appreciated army. Also, something very cool about the 40K universe was the fact that it was a sci-fi mirror of the Fantasy world. Nearly every race from Fantasy had its high-tech cousins represented in the 'far, distant future', and that's how the people liked it! Would you even consider robbing the Fantasy world of Dwarfs. With their wonderful weapons and bitter-sweet rivalry with the Elves? I don't think so! Nor should we players of 40K have to do without. Just the humble opinion of one dedicated fan. Tim Gutierrez”

Response from Games Workshop:

“Would you believe they were all eaten by the Tyranid invasion? Or, due to the Squats biker life style, everyone of the was arrested for disturbing the peace and sacrificed to the Emperor. Where do you think they get all of those souls anyway? All kidding aside, it doesn't seem likely the Squats will ever again see the light of day. When they were out they never seemed very popular, showed up at our stores, or tournaments, and didn't sell on top of all that [Note that this claim is directly contradicted by Jervis Johnson in 2002]. Their look was really outdated compared to the hundreds of other great Warhammer 40,000 models. Don't send us hate mail, it's just the cold hard facts of the 41st Millennium.”

Commentary from Hungry Ghosts:

Would you believe you sound like a huge dick? All kidding aside, this is a flippant and disrespectful response to a devoted and enthusiastic customer about a favorite product. Comments like this are why there is so much Internet Hate for Games Workshop.

But let's make it clear: the “Eaten by Tyranids” comment is not Warhammer 40K Canon. It is just an asinine comment by an unidentified GW employee who does not understand:
1. Squats (very few of them have a Biker lifestyle, and the comment about the lifestyle is insulting to actual real world human bikers),
2. GW's business (Squats were not selling poorly),
3. or customer service (the sarcastic tone of the response).

Let us also make it clear: Based on our source above, there is an equal chance that “The Emperor Ate All The Squats” as “The Tyranids Ate All The Squats”.

***

Conclusions for Volume 3

Just a month before the Squats letter, WD issue 239's Mailbox page provided a terse, no-explanation notice that GW were no longer actively developing the Gorkamorka or Epic 40,000 games (p. 30, poor little games didn't even make it to 3 years old).

At this point, GW says they are redirecting their energies to developing their Black Library literary products (p. 27-29), the burnt ruins of Mordheim and the blackened pages of its Town Cryer (with a 26 page pull out in WD 239), and the blackness of space with the recently-released Battlefleet Gothic game. A new Black Age for both the colors of GW's upcoming products and for the fans of those games swept aside.

Comments like those in WD 239 and 240, combined with the lies and back-peddling about just how many models would remain useable in 40K 3rd Edition armies in earlier issues are not acceptable business behavior. It seems at this point, Games Workshop has lost the distinction between Fiction and Lies.

With this disgusting slaughter of miniatures and their mythos, we will stop to mourn, and to fill the pages of the Book of Grudges. Then the sharpening of Axes.

Thus ends the Great Green Period. Now comes the Black Age of the New Millenium.

Squat-tober Mutant Round-Up: Battle at the Bitz Box 1

Although Hungry Ghosts HQ has been busy as Captain Ahab pursuing his White Dwarfs to flense their carcasses for their precious Lost Lore of the Squats (up to 1999, and done with Troll), we have not seen a whole lot on the actual painted miniatures front.

Well, Hungry Ghosts is a bits junkie, and converting is his crack. To heighten the temptation, the bitz bins are right next to the painting zone, which is next to the TV, which means constant exposure to interestingly shaped bits that suddenly reveal their purpose. Like the Tyranid Hunter-Slayer face that had been waiting more than 20 years to become a Chaos Ratling-Centaur's buttface.

Master Chef Gravy Chunckx's Chaos Cooking for All Times and Places reports:
"According to their unholy religion, the Chaos All-Stars must cook and eat their coach if they lose a game [of Blood Bowl]. If they win, of course they're allowed to eat him raw!"
(actually from White Dwarf 221 p. 14, by Jervis Johnson)

But some progress toward army completion was made. The Lava Shark Leman Russ is ready for highlighting, and the Fire Shark Hell Hound has been lined.

With the Hell Hound, I'm trying out the use of a base for the tank, so that corpses like the Dark Eldar Warrior there, and other bits, can be added. There aren't many places to get bases big enough for the tanks (about 150mm long and 120 mm wide), and they are expensive, the Hell Hound is attached to part of a DVD case.

The Land Shark Termite and Driver Hellfisch were finished and joined the rest of the Hungry Ghosts Horde in the Tower of Chaos (aka the Ikea modular shelf).

Ken the Thunder Chief is also ready for his highlights.

Then we took a break to create a couple of minor stars in the Hungry Ghosts galaxy, Master Chef Chunckx, whose GrimDark recipes were a key to warping the Legios Moriad XIV Expeditionary Force into the Chaos fiends we know today.

No meal is too big for the Master of the Cuisinatorium!

And the Hungry Ghosts hired a Renegade Guardsman from the Plague Barons Army of Nurgle to help resolve line of sight issues, since the 40K 5th edition rules would favor the Squats due to their stature. Plus I wanted to paint something green.

Trooper Los Fnnr was not very impressed by the new version of the Lord of Change.

Then things got chaotic.

The Explosion of the Scrunt-Spawn

Some people see a driver torso on the shelf and say, great, I'll use them for my tank drivers. Instead, they nip nip nip at the corners of my brain saying “where's my legs sir?...need legs...or wheels...tracks...” A separate part of my brain decided “you need to make tall Dwarfs, you don't know why, maybe because Mickey was caught heightening on Seinfeld, but you will make them...”

These Super-Size Scrunt conversions are a mix of Citadel metal and plastic bits with Scrunts torsos from Olley's Armies. Citadel & Olley's Armies are independent companies, and neither has endorsed, nor recognized the existence of, these hideous half-breeds.

The stained wood appearance of the Scrunt Spawn is Terra Cotta primer and Chestnut ink wash over it.

The Super-Size Scrunts don't have official names yet, so we'll call this one Grasshopper. He has the legs of a 40K 2nd edition Genestealer, a Gorkamorka Mutie Backpack, and a (2e) Chaos Spawn Head taking care of business in the rear with a Daemonette Crabclaw Arm about to toss a grenade.I forget whose giant horns those are, they are metal, and is suspect a dragon of some sort, maybe a Greater Daemon. Grasshopper is also enhanced with some plastic bits from Kroot, Chaos, and Undead.

SSS-2 has been enhanced through cybernetics instead of hybrid genetics. He was sort of inspired by the Powerlifter used by the heroine of the film Aliens, so we'll call him Ellen Ripley for now.

Ellen is heavily equipped, with Ork Bionik Deluxxe Kickin Legs, a Space Marine Servitor Arm, and a giant weapon scope from Ork with Mega-Armor Head Sprue 3. His central-waist area was made by taking the hand part out of the center of an Ogre Weapon Animal Trap bit, with various sacks and other phallic symbols added.Ellen's arms are from the Mordheim Carnival of Chaos set (gun) and Necromunda Redemptionists (mace). The exhaust-pipes backpack is from an arm from the Epic Imperial Knight Crusader, with some plastic Empire Knights Eagle Head symbols added.

This fellow has a long ethereal arm reaching out to slime the enemy, so he'll be Ecto-Cooler. The crazy arm is the Lashwhip from the old metal Tyranid Hive Tyrant. He also has bolter-type gun from one of the Scrunt Weapon Sprues on his right, while the left arm is part of the torso, with a giant metal spike, also Tyranid I think, added to counterbalance the Ecto-Arm.

From the back, we can see that Ecto-Cooler's lower half is a Beastman from the previous round of plastic Gors, along with a generic Horse Tail bit added for more beastiness. He also has a metal Gorkamorka backpack, and makes use of some of the metal Scruntification skull symbols from Olley's Armies.

The last Super-Sized Scrunt is Wheelie, whose lower half is the Ork Bionik Gyro Monowheel. Wheelie has also turned to the Green Menace for his robo-arms, which are the Power Claws from the 1990s metal version of the Epic Gutrippa. The centrally located Las Weapon is also Epic, from the Dreadnought on the Space Marine Legion sprue. His antennae are Tau Fire Warrior, like the wreckage on the base, and his gunbarrel is enhanced with an old Eldar Fusion Gun tip.Wheelie's originally exhaust pipe has been doubled with the Horn from a High Elf Warrior Musician, while the cloth streamers are the leftovers from the Eagle Head bits on Ellen. He also has one of the old little metal Empire Outrider Backpacks, along with some Imperial pouches and more Scruntification.

Our final Scrunt conversion is super-sized in attitude instead of height, and was inspired by a character met during Judge Dredd's legendary voyage across the Cursed Earth to save Mega-City 2.

This version of General Blood N Scrunts is based on the old Epic Imperial Basilisk/Manticore Chassis, with additional armor plating from Grey Knight Terminator Shields.

Celebrating the Forever War by rolling over a RTB01 Beakie

From the back, we can see that the General has had to cobble together his engine and supplies from parts scoured from the battlefield, with the assistance of a WFB Zombie hand.

Four more Super-Sized Scrunts are planned. Like the other 4, 2 will be feral mutants and 2 will be cyber-mutants.

The leather biker look complements the metal Daemonette-Kangaroo crossbreed legs from the 90s. Whips, snakes, and capes will complete the perversion.

This Scrunt will use the bottom half of a 90s Flesh Hound (with Pink Horror Tail), and will also be position on the corpse of one of his fellow Khornicons who has fallen in battle (the Flesh Hound legs require a climbing posture).

The Cyber-Scrunts are less differentiated at this point. The one pointing will be hovering about shouting orders using a metal Dreadnought Power Fist bit and a metal Tau Drone bit, with additional curved plastic and metal bits from various ranges.

The fellow in the cockpit will have a zippy little Cloud-Car with long engine bits from old Epic & Space Fleet Eldar bits and/or old Tyranid warrior arms. Odd how similar the Nid gun is to the tail portion of the Eldar Wraithship. This one is meant to be reminiscent of the ancient and off-scale Iron Claw Hover Car.

That's it for today's miniature review. Coming up next will be Storm Troopers and their Spawn Slaves. In the meantime, ponder this image:

(from Troll 37, March/April 2001)