Squats in The Citadel Journal 1999-2002

Squats in The Citadel Journal 1999-2002:
Historia Squatitcus Appendix 1a

Citadel Journal 29 (Winter 1999, WD 229)

Finally a Squat joke. You'd think there would be more, silly name and all that nonsense.

Anyway, a certain editor is reported to have “horrific sideburns … never even been spoken to by a girl, lives in a squat with students...” prompting our editor to insert “urgh, that sounds messy, I wouldn't have thought there was that much room in a space dwarf...” (p. 1)

A variant on a Groucho Marx line, but we all know that GW's sense of humor had really plummeted by the late 1990s, and rarely moved beyond puns anyway. But you would be surprised how many Nurglings you can fit inside a space dwarf.

An advertisement on p. 63 announces the publication of Firepower magazine, devoted to Epic 40,000, compiling material from WD, CJ, and adding some new material. The ad highlights the inclusion of the Squats Army List from CJ 20: “The little chaps with huge War Machines, the Squats, are back thanks to Warwick Kinrade with his concise Squats army list.”

*****

Citadel Journal 30 (Early Spring 99)

Squat-Friend Warwick Kinrade is given space to voice a different opinion of the degree of compatibility of Warhammer 40K 3^rd Edition Rules with 40K 2^nd Edition armies and units than the chirpy denial of White Dwarf 226. Let us recall what was said in WD 226:

“Now I can't guarantee that someone, somewhere won't have a specially converted Aspiring Champion of Khorne riding a unicycle with a warp banner that they can't use in the new lists, but 99% of the miniatures people have already collected will still be useable.” (p. 14)

Kinrade, on the other hand, spends a page describing the changes needed to his Space Wolves army (i.e., his easiest one) for 3^rd edition, leading him to estimate that “there is at least a months work here, converting, painting, basing, etc.” (p. 23)

Ever hopeful, Kinrade goes on to say “That's one army reorganized, just my Imperial Guard, Tyranids, Genestealer Cult and Squats left.” (p. 23)

I guess no one told him the bad news, despite him being a new columnist for CJ. Good luck updating that Cult and those Squats, Warwick!

p. 87 features a brief reader rant demanding, amongst others, rules for Squats Gangs in Necromunda.

*****

Citadel Journal 31 (Late Spring 99)

As in issue 26, a Warhammer 40K campaign starts off with Humans causing Chaos in Squatsville (p. 4-13). “The Solace system, lies due galactic south of the Maelstrom, almost on top of the Squat Homeworlds. For that reason alone it remained uncolonized until eight-hundred years ago...” when some megalomaniac human claims the planet (p. 4) and his inbred spawn lure an Ork Fleet to the system. Resulting in the Orks capturing many Termites that were leased to the Humans (and not compensated for) and much general destruction.

And don't think we didn't notice the “on top” of the Squats slur.

The old Squat Tinboy makes an appearance as an Epic Ork Stompa on p. 70.

*****

Citadel Journal 32 (Early Summer 99)

An article featuring 40K rules for “Imperial Support Weapons” by Dave McClumpha (p. 52-55) shows that 40K fans can't do without their Squats (the editors note that Dave is “trying to find some way of re-introducing Squats to the game, p. 52).

It also airs more of the sordid history of treachery by Humans against the Squats. The Mole Mortar is reported to have been incorporated in the armory of the Imperium at this time. The Adeptus Mechanicus are said to have been terribly impressed by the effectiveness of the Mole Mortar “during the bitter and inconclusive struggle to conquer the Squat Homeworlds.” (p. 52-53).

Hungry Ghosts is not sure where the “inconclusive” part of the “bitter and inconclusive” war comes from: the Humans invaded, they were repelled after stealing some intellectual property, and the Squat Homeworlds remained independent, conclusively. And bitterly.

*****

Citadel Journal 33 (Late Summer 99)

Some foolish mortal offers his Squats army in The Trading Post on p. 3. The army includes a scratch-built Iron Eagle Gyrocopter, making us wish there were more pictures in CJ.

This issue also features an article, "Standing in for the Little Guy," on how to use your Squats in the new 3rd edition of Warhammer 40K by Jervis Johnson (p. 20-21).Johnson begins by noting there has been much questioning of the absence of the Squats in 40K 3rd ed.

As we have seen in other discussions of the Squats, the decision to discontinue the army was a process that took place over several years, and not an abrupt chuck in the rubbish bin in 1994, as some Elf-Friends would have you believe.

JJ explains that the GW development teams come up with a lot of ideas that vary in quality or usefulness, and, of course, not all can lead to finished products. According to Johnson, the creative teams at GW in the mid 1990s felt that the Squats were not as good an army as others, due to the well-known “silly name” and “greasy bikers are dumb” beliefs of a number of the decision-makers.

So, Johnson explained, “after literally years of trying to with a way of making them more interesting, none of which have worked, we've decided to retire them from the game. In the future we want to return to the Squats, but whatever we do will be radically different to what has gone on before (and they'll be called something other than Squats to boot!).” (p. 20)

Since Johnson is writing this in mid 1999, and says the revitalizing of the Squats is being put off for the future, and the Demiurg appear in White Dwarf 241 just a few months later, it seems unlikely that the Demiurg are the “return to the Squats” that Johnson is referring to.

But our Squats are not useless, and Johnson suggests using them in the “counts as” manner as having the units and stats of an existing army.

First, JJ suggests creating Squat Imperial Guard regiments. The story behind this “counts as” variant is that almost all of the Squat Homeworlds have been incorporated into the Imperium and partially colonized by humans. These worlds then contribute their meat-tithe to the Guard in the usual manner, just some are short and hairy. In this scenario, Johnson envisions mixed Human & Squat Imperial Guard armies as well as all-Squat variants. As the average Guardsman has a lower Leadership value than the Squats had, Johnson recommends attributing this to feeling bad about being conquered.

In a second variation, Johnson proposes using the Orks army list for Renegade Squat forces, battling for freedom and gold. Their zeal for independence is said to account for the increase in Toughness, while the poor BS is due to lack of proper ability to maintain their weaponry in the GRIMDARK space they live in.

And the Squat army pictured for the article includes an *Ambull*.

“Tank Shock!” provides unofficial rules for Imperial Guard super-heavy tanks includes black & white photos and an illustration of the mad author's 40K-scale Leviathan (p. 44-45). He fails to attribute the development of the Leviathan to the Squats. We will forgive Mr Thompson's oversight because he made the cargo bay of the Leviathan fully functional instead of a static slab of plasticard.

*****

Citadel Journal 34 (Early Fall 99): none

*****

Citadel Journal 35 (Late Fall 99)

An advertisement for Gang War issue 4 promotes Squat content “'Hi-Ho' Squat Miner gangs are digging around the Underhive in search valuable ores and precious Archaeotech and bring some strange new weapons and equipment to the fray.” (p. 35)

*****

Citadel Journal 36 (Winter 2000, WD 240)

The Imperial Leviathan, of Squat origin, is featured in an article on super heavy vehicles in 40K, mostly the new Forge World Baneblade (p. 33-39). Henceforth, we will ignore references to the Squat-Sourced Leviathan, as it grows tiresome, and there never has, nor likely will ever be, a 40K model. Or Epic.

*****

Citadel Journal 37 (Early Spring 00)

Another reader letter asking about the Squats: “Everyone loves these beer swilling stunties. Who else to help the Imperium against the alien scum of the universe?”

This is met with the now-familiar editorial dismissal: “Somebody with a less silly name?”

Attention Games Workshop Workers: If yu fink itz funnie ter maek Orkz spel rong yu shudn't critterize anniboddies namz. Den dere's Bludd Bole. Dem Fancy Fangy gitz an Mummies playin ball wit walkin Treez and Ratlings. Droopy-titty Orky cheeerleeederz an chainsoard loonies. Sillie allaround.

Issue 37 is also the first to leave “Squats” off the list of trademarks in GW's little IP notice. Used to be between Squigs and Spyrers. Squigs. Not a silly name there, no sir.

But seriously: Despite the most effusive goodwill expressed toward the Squats by Jervis Johnson over the years, there must have been a contingent of creative types in GW that burned with a hatred for the Squats.

*****

Citadel Journal 38 (Late Spring 00): none

*****

With this issue Citadel Journal changes to the B6 / comic book size it will wear until its end.

Citadel Journal 39 (Early Summer 00)

Jervis Johnson takes over the CJ, and the not-40K or WFB games are grouped into the Fanatic Games division, and each is given its own magazine. The tree of GW subdivisions is in full bloom, and in addition to Games Workshop and Citadel Miniatures, we also now have Forge World for resin models, the Black Library for fiction, and Fanatic Games for things not-White-Dwarfable.

The excellent miniature sculpturing work of Igor Karpov from Russia is featured. Among other original epoxy sculpts, Karpov says he has made “several Squat warriors.. .based on sketches in the 1994 Annual and back issues of White Dwarf magazine” in response to the lack of 40K Squats from Citadel. Unfortunately, the Squats are not among the minis shown in the article. (p. 14-16)

Ye Olde Maile-Bagge features an analysis of the use of allies in 40K from the Ork's point-of-view (p. 39-40). Warlord Ug Urderub quite correctly reports that the Squats will not ally with Orks for any purposes.

*****

Citadel Journal 40 (Late Summer 00): none

*****

Citadel Journal 41 (Early Fall 00)

Just a reader, mentioning re-organizing his Squats army in sadness, on his way to being distracted by Imperial Assassins (p. 34).

*****

Citadel Journal 42 (Late Fall 00): none

*****

Citadel Journal 43 (End of 2000)

This issue announces a new direction toward 40K and WFB content that is more specialized than the White Dwarf fare (i.e. expensive Forge World and conversion packages, and old ranges with new rules and prices).

Squats in the Mailbag again (p. 44-45). This time, a reader asks for re-release of the old Epic infantry sprues, specifically asking “I would like to see the Squat sprues re-released, also the Eldar sprues, my tanks all have the old design...”

The editorial response is interesting: “The Infantry sprues are also back in stock and if you live in the UK you can now pick then up for the ultra-low price of £1.50 per stand.”

This response indicates that the Epic Squat sprues were made available at this time for use with the new Epic 40,000 rules (the Squats army list having been published in Citadel Journal 20 and republished in Epic: Firepower 1).

*****

Citadel Journal 44 (Winter 2001, WD 252): none

*****

Citadel Journal 45 (Spring 01)

One last visit into the Mailbag. Our loyal Warhammer fan suggests some articles on Fimir, Zoats, etc., and then “Note I've not mentioned Squats...which I've just done” (p. 32)

*****

Citadel Journal 46 (Summer 01): none

Citadel Journal 47 (Fall 01): none

Citadel Journal 48 (Winter 2002, WD 266): none

Citadel Journal 49 (Spring 02): none

*****

Citadel Journal 50 (Summer 02)

Warwick Kinrade mentions the Squats “Counts As” article from issue 33 as one of his favorite articles (p. 7).

While they were banned from White Dwarf in 1999, the Citadel Journal provided a warm refuge for the Squats until 2002.

*****

Troll had 80 issues published from January 1998 (White Dwarf 216) and October 2004 (White Dwarf 297). Troll was a supplement that was sent to White Dwarf subscribers in the US and Canada, usually 8 or so black and white pages, but some issues were much larger with color pictures. Troll also occasionally featured conversion kits along with stats for using them, as well as offering some limited release miniatures.

Despite its main mission of selling old range miniatures, Troll magazine was a Squat-Free Zone, with the exception of Issue 7, which offered the Epic-scale Thunderfire for use with the Bommerz at da Sulfur River air-combat board game.

Squats in White Dwarf 2000-2004, Historia Squataticus Volume 4.1

Introductory Mea Culpa. It is the end of another earth year, and Hungry Ghosts has exceeded his target in only one area: number of surgical operations. 4 instead of 2! And somehow I have 30 Squats and Scrunts in various stages of completion and have not actually finished the 1500 point army minis. Attention deficit! Then hours snuffling through the internets trying to figure out if last name is Croatian or Ukrainian, instead of finishing the White Dwarf Squat Review. Blown off course, but think last name is Croatian for 'person from the small cave'! Freakishly accurate description of Hungry Ghosts in his basement apartment full of Dwarfs!

Too Many Puppies! Listen to Primus!

Anyway, here is the last post for 2010, which covers Squats in White Dwarf up to the coming of Warhammer 40K 4^th Edition. It will necessarily be more impressionistic and oblique in its analysis, given the low frequency of our quarry. Another dwarf pun! It's going to be quite the ride.

Part 11: Blackout for the Squats in the Black Age, 2000-2004 (Issues 241-295)

Now the Squats are barred from passing the Cadian Gates into the Warhammer 40K 3^rd Ed rulebook, it is a Black Age for the Bearded indeed. But the real reasons I have named this period the Black Age, in contrast to the Red Period and the Great Green Period of the 1990s, are largely non-Squat related. Just like the Red and Great Green Periods.

The Black Age was brought about by changes in printing technology that allowed cheaper publication of glossy black inks on lighter paper than before. GW took advantage of this, filling the pages of White Dwarf, the Rulebook, and the Codexes with black backgrounds and grey-scale or computer-green text. The blister package card stock adopted the dominant black/grey/metallic scheme as well.

The minis became darker as well. The Imperial Guard went to drab tones and camo-schemes, and 1000 flavors of grey-scale tanks. This was a move away from the Ultramarine Mordian Army and Sunburst Yellow ammo clips for Cadians, and toward natural environmental toned Valhallans, Storm Troopers, and Catachans. The focus in the Space Marine world turned to the Black Templars, Grey Knights, Black Dragons, and Salamanders, while the shade of the Dark Angels and Blood Angels dimmed. Chapters like the Space Wolves and Ultramarines were given the Cadian treatment, abandoning the bright yellow and red accessories for metal and fur.

On the Xenos side, Ork Klans were strongly de-emphasized, resulting in lots of black armor and dark silver weapons. Similarly, the variation among Chaos Powers was reduced, putting more emphasis on Chaos Undivided, which used largely the same colors as the Orks (Iron Warriors) to avoid any sense of allegiance to a particular patron. Dark Eldar adopted a similar dress code. Only Imperial Fists and Eldar Harlequins dared to wear bright primary colors.

Watch our spines fade to black...

White Dwarf 241 (February 2000)

The first half of this issue introduces the refreshed Imperial Guard. Remaining on the army list are slow-witted thugs and butterball thieves, and fracking fur-hatted horsemen. But not the technological adept and highly honorable Squats. Is that the kind of Imperium you want to live in? Do you really think that you can use prayer to repair your Rhinos?

This issue also tells of glorious actions of the Guard. One tale involves the Valhallans invading a planet already occupied by Demiurg (p. 27-28). The Valhallans exterminate the Demiurg by making a surprise attack with vastly more troops and better equipment after plenty of orbital bombardment. And they sustain terrible casualty rates despite these advantages. This sounds barely competent, not glorious. And from an Imperial propaganda source as well. The true losses must have been catastrophic.

And we will note, as GW has made clear several times, these Demiurg are not a new version of Squats anymore than Tau are. Though they are said to be squat in stature compared to humans and to engage in mining activities, they are also poor mountaineers and bad at close-quarters combat.

***

White Dwarf 242-243 (March-April 2000): none

***

White Dwarf 244 (May 2000):

This issue introduced the Skulz program of buyer rewards. Yes, my Beardlings, once upon a time, a time that lasted until the mid-2000s, Games Workshop was a company that held sales prices for new releases and store openings, and had a reasonable buyer loyalty reward program.

Included was a set of Adeptus Mechanicus miniatures (2 of the 9 shown above, the Magos and his Assistant). In response to a reader letter, it is reported that the Adeptus Mechanicus set was made as part of an attempt to develop the Ad.Mech as an army that was stalled indefinitely.

Painted pictures of this interesting and intricate series of minis can be seen at the link below.
http://solegends.com/citle/citle2000/Skulz/skulzadeptus/skulzadeptus.htm

***

White Dwarf 245-252 (June 2000-January 2001): none

***

White Dwarf 253 (February 2001):

This issue introduces the 3^rd edition Tyranids. There is no mention of Squat-eating or much else other than the famous assaults on Ultramar and Iyanden. Plus any Tyranids that ingested Squat genetic material would have beards and Bone Axes, not Bone Swords. The Tyrant Guard are reported to be evolved from eating Space Marines (WD 255, p. 5): Where are the bearded Nids?

Troll 37, March/April 2001

***

White Dwarf 254 (March 2001):

The letters page of this issue informs us that the WFB Dwarf Goblobber is another item now considered too silly to be coming back for 6^th edition (p. 55).

***

White Dwarf 255 (April 2001):

The Imperium has had close combat with the H'rud since the Horus Heresy and still can't produce a description of the buggers (p. 20-21).

GW also embarks on what will ultimately be another half-hearted effort to promote Epic-scale 40K on p. 106.

***

White Dwarf 256 (May 2001):

Here we have an ad for the 2001 Games Day in Baltimore, which shows off the limited edition model from a new army. This fellow is a Birdman called a Kroot Shaper, whose race learned to fly by eating Orks. He is the Lord High Ambassador of Silly Names. You can almost hear Terry Jones in horrid drag screeching "then 'e brought 'ome the Kroot Shaper! Wot am I to do with a Kroot Shaper? 'e won't sit on the sofa and keeps after my DNA."

And what is up with GW and its fetish with flesh-eaters? Seriously Games Workshop. Hungry Ghosts is a psychologist and can help you. Yes, the Hungry Ghosts are flesh-gnawing revenants, but they are doomed to chew but never swallow, and are under the medical supervision of Doc-Bot KillMaim666-74445369 and Snotling Nurse Dammit.

GW, the first baby step is to stop referring to the mail order staff as “long pigs”.

Also in this issue, the White Scars Space Marines take over the non-Greenskin Bad-Ass Biker niche formerly occupied by the Squats (p. 78).

***

White Dwarf 257-261 (June-October 2001): none

***

White Dwarf 262 (November 2001):

The Skulz program ends and the Adeptus Mechanicus will never become a real army. Also Lord of the Rings comes into town, which brings us to a new stage of Games Workshop short-attention span theater as they try to juggle 3 Core Games as well as the Specialist Games. And Black Library fiction, video games, movies, ccgs, Forge World etc..

***

White Dwarf 263-269 (December 2001-June 2002): none

***

White Dwarf 270 (July 2002):

Once again GW would like you all to stop asking about Malal (p. 24). Who's Malal? Call the Mail Order Trolls and ask to speak with Kaleb.

***

White Dwarf 271-272 (August-September 2002): nein

***

White Dwarf 273 (October 2002):

While discussing the new 40K Chaos Marines codex, Andy Chambers mentions reviewing “a scarily precise, unpublished treatise on the nature of Chaos written by Rick Priestly in the late '80s” (p. 103). What is this mystery treatise and what secrets does it hold? Damn Harlequins. “You must be this tall for a Black Library card” my ass.

***

White Dwarf 274-283 (November 2002 - August 2003): nyet

***

White Dwarf 284 (September 2003):

The article "Index Malleus: The Lost and the Damned" reports:

Across the widely spread legions of the Emperor's crusade new allies were welcomed for the aid they could render in the great task of freeing Humanity. Even mutants of particular strains judged stable enough were permitted to prosper and fight in the rank of the Imperial Guard. This is a practice which remains to this day, although under drastically tighter constraints of genetic purity than was once the case. (p. 99-100)

Good enough to battle side-by-side with the Emperor, but not good enough for today's Guard? This reeks of hubris. Inquisitor, inquisite thyself!

GW would also like you to stop asking about Space Skaven (p. 62).

***

White Dwarf 285 (October 2003):

A second report of the allegedly glorious, yet drastically lop-sided, victory of the Valhallans over the Demiurg, a word-for-word repeat of the content in issue 241. As we can see, this new Demiurg race is really getting hit with the GW Development Stick. (p. 95)

***

White Dwarf 286-287 (November-December 2003): guess!

***

White Dwarf 288 (January 2004):

GW would really like you to stop asking about 40K Skaven (p. 81).

At this point, we must suspect that GW is publishing multiple letters about Space Skaven because they provide a jokey way to reduce their guilt over the Squats. Clearly White Dwarf received responses to the comments about the Squats in Issue 240's letter page, and does not want to face the issue directly and responsibly.

***

White Dwarf 289 (February 2004):

In a biography of Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka, the Green Monster is reported to have inscribed upon a fallen Warlord Titan tales of his victories and power. Thraka claims that his army "crushed the stunties on Golgotha" and had done so despite the intervention of Commissar Yarrick. The article reports that the whole of Golgotha Sector was lost to the Imperium. (p. 108)

So Games Workshop does remember the Squats, and remembers where they live as well. But strangely only Thraka refers to the Squats, while the article refers to "tech-adepts" in "heavily defended strongholds" (p. 107).

To hide a shameful defeat by an alleged hero of the Imperium, the existence of the race that instructed the Imperium in the art of crafting War Machines, was denied. The only testimony is that of an Ork. Way to twist the knife in the back, GW, and please set us on fire next!

Even this idiot one-eyed fungus with a gun can see the Squats!

***
White Dwarf 290 (March 2004): nope.

***

White Dwarf 291 (April 2004):

In a Chapter Approved article about alien critters and Xenos mounts, the H'rud are reported to have "conducted highly effective hit-and-run attacks focused on destroying ammunition and fuel stockpiles." (p. 81)

This firmly establishes the H'rud as not Squats in disguise. Because those disguises would just make their poor hit-and-run attempts more fumbly. And because Squats take your ammo and fuel for their stockpiles, they don't waste it.

***

White Dwarf 292 (May 2004):

More playful denials of Space Skaven in the letters page (p. 71). You can suppress it all you want, but you cannot forget what you did.

***

White Dwarf 293 (June 2004):

The Warhammer Fantasy Battle world has also been cruel to the Chaos Dwarfs as well, with just a crummy Ravening Hordes pamphlet army list. This month sees the release of the Chaos Hellcannon with 3 Chaos Dwarf Crew, the first Chaos Dwarfs in a long time. (there have also been sporadic mentions of the popularity of Chaos Dwarf armies in the tournament scene).

These fellows are a nice combination of 1980s Chaos Dwarf helmets with 1990s Chaos Dwarf beards.

***

White Dwarf 294 (July 2004): none

***

White Dwarf 295 (August 2004):

A history of Warhammer 40K in advance of the release of the 4th edition rules doesn't mention Squats at all. (p. 84-91)

***

We end this volume with sadness.

The Imperium has attempted to erase from history their best and oldest allies.

It has attempted to relieve its guilt with avoidant chatter about Space Skaven several times.

One gets the feeling that there was a ban on any references to the Squats during these years, with Thraka's comment surviving because it used 'stunties' instead of 'Squats'.

All 1s on the Plasma Guns for the Squats in the 2000s

As time goes on, we will see GW become a bit more relaxed about their crimes, and allow the small shoots of a Springtime for Squats poke their hairy little bulbs through the snow. But that will be a story for next year.