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Friday, March 18, 2011

Squats in The Citadel Journal 1999-2002

Squats in The Citadel Journal 1999-2002:
Historia Squatitcus Appendix 1a

Citadel Journal 29 (Winter 1999, WD 229)

Finally a Squat joke. You'd think there would be more, silly name and all that nonsense.

Anyway, a certain editor is reported to have “horrific sideburns … never even been spoken to by a girl, lives in a squat with students...” prompting our editor to insert “urgh, that sounds messy, I wouldn't have thought there was that much room in a space dwarf...” (p. 1)

A variant on a Groucho Marx line, but we all know that GW's sense of humor had really plummeted by the late 1990s, and rarely moved beyond puns anyway. But you would be surprised how many Nurglings you can fit inside a space dwarf.

An advertisement on p. 63 announces the publication of Firepower magazine, devoted to Epic 40,000, compiling material from WD, CJ, and adding some new material. The ad highlights the inclusion of the Squats Army List from CJ 20: “The little chaps with huge War Machines, the Squats, are back thanks to Warwick Kinrade with his concise Squats army list.”


Citadel Journal 30 (Early Spring 99)

Squat-Friend Warwick Kinrade is given space to voice a different opinion of the degree of compatibility of Warhammer 40K 3rd Edition Rules with 40K 2nd Edition armies and units than the chirpy denial of White Dwarf 226. Let us recall what was said in WD 226:

Now I can't guarantee that someone, somewhere won't have a specially converted Aspiring Champion of Khorne riding a unicycle with a warp banner that they can't use in the new lists, but 99% of the miniatures people have already collected will still be useable.” (p. 14)

Kinrade, on the other hand, spends a page describing the changes needed to his Space Wolves army (i.e., his easiest one) for 3rd edition, leading him to estimate that “there is at least a months work here, converting, painting, basing, etc.” (p. 23)

Ever hopeful, Kinrade goes on to say “That's one army reorganized, just my Imperial Guard, Tyranids, Genestealer Cult and Squats left.” (p. 23)

I guess no one told him the bad news, despite him being a new columnist for CJ. Good luck updating that Cult and those Squats, Warwick!

p. 87 features a brief reader rant demanding, amongst others, rules for Squats Gangs in Necromunda.


Citadel Journal 31 (Late Spring 99)

As in issue 26, a Warhammer 40K campaign starts off with Humans causing Chaos in Squatsville (p. 4-13). “The Solace system, lies due galactic south of the Maelstrom, almost on top of the Squat Homeworlds. For that reason alone it remained uncolonized until eight-hundred years ago...” when some megalomaniac human claims the planet (p. 4) and his inbred spawn lure an Ork Fleet to the system. Resulting in the Orks capturing many Termites that were leased to the Humans (and not compensated for) and much general destruction.

And don't think we didn't notice the “on top” of the Squats slur.

The old Squat Tinboy makes an appearance as an Epic Ork Stompa on p. 70.


Citadel Journal 32 (Early Summer 99)

An article featuring 40K rules for “Imperial Support Weapons” by Dave McClumpha (p. 52-55) shows that 40K fans can't do without their Squats (the editors note that Dave is “trying to find some way of re-introducing Squats to the game, p. 52).

It also airs more of the sordid history of treachery by Humans against the Squats. The Mole Mortar is reported to have been incorporated in the armory of the Imperium at this time. The Adeptus Mechanicus are said to have been terribly impressed by the effectiveness of the Mole Mortar “during the bitter and inconclusive struggle to conquer the Squat Homeworlds.” (p. 52-53).

Hungry Ghosts is not sure where the “inconclusive” part of the “bitter and inconclusive” war comes from: the Humans invaded, they were repelled after stealing some intellectual property, and the Squat Homeworlds remained independent, conclusively. And bitterly.


Citadel Journal 33 (Late Summer 99)

Some foolish mortal offers his Squats army in The Trading Post on p. 3. The army includes a scratch-built Iron Eagle Gyrocopter, making us wish there were more pictures in CJ.

This issue also features an article, "Standing in for the Little Guy," on how to use your Squats in the new 3rd edition of Warhammer 40K by Jervis Johnson (p. 20-21).Johnson begins by noting there has been much questioning of the absence of the Squats in 40K 3rd ed.

As we have seen in other discussions of the Squats, the decision to discontinue the army was a process that took place over several years, and not an abrupt chuck in the rubbish bin in 1994, as some Elf-Friends would have you believe.

JJ explains that the GW development teams come up with a lot of ideas that vary in quality or usefulness, and, of course, not all can lead to finished products. According to Johnson, the creative teams at GW in the mid 1990s felt that the Squats were not as good an army as others, due to the well-known “silly name” and “greasy bikers are dumb” beliefs of a number of the decision-makers.

So, Johnson explained, “after literally years of trying to with a way of making them more interesting, none of which have worked, we've decided to retire them from the game. In the future we want to return to the Squats, but whatever we do will be radically different to what has gone on before (and they'll be called something other than Squats to boot!).” (p. 20)

Since Johnson is writing this in mid 1999, and says the revitalizing of the Squats is being put off for the future, and the Demiurg appear in White Dwarf 241 just a few months later, it seems unlikely that the Demiurg are the “return to the Squats” that Johnson is referring to.

But our Squats are not useless, and Johnson suggests using them in the “counts as” manner as having the units and stats of an existing army.

First, JJ suggests creating Squat Imperial Guard regiments. The story behind this “counts as” variant is that almost all of the Squat Homeworlds have been incorporated into the Imperium and partially colonized by humans. These worlds then contribute their meat-tithe to the Guard in the usual manner, just some are short and hairy. In this scenario, Johnson envisions mixed Human & Squat Imperial Guard armies as well as all-Squat variants. As the average Guardsman has a lower Leadership value than the Squats had, Johnson recommends attributing this to feeling bad about being conquered.

In a second variation, Johnson proposes using the Orks army list for Renegade Squat forces, battling for freedom and gold. Their zeal for independence is said to account for the increase in Toughness, while the poor BS is due to lack of proper ability to maintain their weaponry in the GRIMDARK space they live in.

And the Squat army pictured for the article includes an *Ambull*.

Tank Shock!” provides unofficial rules for Imperial Guard super-heavy tanks includes black & white photos and an illustration of the mad author's 40K-scale Leviathan (p. 44-45). He fails to attribute the development of the Leviathan to the Squats. We will forgive Mr Thompson's oversight because he made the cargo bay of the Leviathan fully functional instead of a static slab of plasticard.


Citadel Journal 34 (Early Fall 99): none


Citadel Journal 35 (Late Fall 99)

An advertisement for Gang War issue 4 promotes Squat content “'Hi-Ho' Squat Miner gangs are digging around the Underhive in search valuable ores and precious Archaeotech and bring some strange new weapons and equipment to the fray.” (p. 35)


Citadel Journal 36 (Winter 2000, WD 240)

The Imperial Leviathan, of Squat origin, is featured in an article on super heavy vehicles in 40K, mostly the new Forge World Baneblade (p. 33-39). Henceforth, we will ignore references to the Squat-Sourced Leviathan, as it grows tiresome, and there never has, nor likely will ever be, a 40K model. Or Epic.


Citadel Journal 37 (Early Spring 00)

Another reader letter asking about the Squats: “Everyone loves these beer swilling stunties. Who else to help the Imperium against the alien scum of the universe?”

This is met with the now-familiar editorial dismissal: “Somebody with a less silly name?”

Attention Games Workshop Workers: If yu fink itz funnie ter maek Orkz spel rong yu shudn't critterize anniboddies namz. Den dere's Bludd Bole. Dem Fancy Fangy gitz an Mummies playin ball wit walkin Treez and Ratlings. Droopy-titty Orky cheeerleeederz an chainsoard loonies. Sillie allaround.

Issue 37 is also the first to leave “Squats” off the list of trademarks in GW's little IP notice. Used to be between Squigs and Spyrers. Squigs. Not a silly name there, no sir.

But seriously: Despite the most effusive goodwill expressed toward the Squats by Jervis Johnson over the years, there must have been a contingent of creative types in GW that burned with a hatred for the Squats.


Citadel Journal 38 (Late Spring 00): none


With this issue Citadel Journal changes to the B6 / comic book size it will wear until its end.

Citadel Journal 39 (Early Summer 00)

Jervis Johnson takes over the CJ, and the not-40K or WFB games are grouped into the Fanatic Games division, and each is given its own magazine. The tree of GW subdivisions is in full bloom, and in addition to Games Workshop and Citadel Miniatures, we also now have Forge World for resin models, the Black Library for fiction, and Fanatic Games for things not-White-Dwarfable.

The excellent miniature sculpturing work of Igor Karpov from Russia is featured. Among other original epoxy sculpts, Karpov says he has made “several Squat warriors.. .based on sketches in the 1994 Annual and back issues of White Dwarf magazine” in response to the lack of 40K Squats from Citadel. Unfortunately, the Squats are not among the minis shown in the article. (p. 14-16)

Ye Olde Maile-Bagge features an analysis of the use of allies in 40K from the Ork's point-of-view (p. 39-40). Warlord Ug Urderub quite correctly reports that the Squats will not ally with Orks for any purposes.


Citadel Journal 40 (Late Summer 00): none


Citadel Journal 41 (Early Fall 00)

Just a reader, mentioning re-organizing his Squats army in sadness, on his way to being distracted by Imperial Assassins (p. 34).


Citadel Journal 42 (Late Fall 00): none


Citadel Journal 43 (End of 2000)

This issue announces a new direction toward 40K and WFB content that is more specialized than the White Dwarf fare (i.e. expensive Forge World and conversion packages, and old ranges with new rules and prices).

Squats in the Mailbag again (p. 44-45). This time, a reader asks for re-release of the old Epic infantry sprues, specifically asking “I would like to see the Squat sprues re-released, also the Eldar sprues, my tanks all have the old design...”

The editorial response is interesting: “The Infantry sprues are also back in stock and if you live in the UK you can now pick then up for the ultra-low price of £1.50 per stand.”

This response indicates that the Epic Squat sprues were made available at this time for use with the new Epic 40,000 rules (the Squats army list having been published in Citadel Journal 20 and republished in Epic: Firepower 1).


Citadel Journal 44 (Winter 2001, WD 252): none


Citadel Journal 45 (Spring 01)

One last visit into the Mailbag. Our loyal Warhammer fan suggests some articles on Fimir, Zoats, etc., and then “Note I've not mentioned Squats...which I've just done” (p. 32)


Citadel Journal 46 (Summer 01): none

Citadel Journal 47 (Fall 01): none

Citadel Journal 48 (Winter 2002, WD 266): none

Citadel Journal 49 (Spring 02): none


Citadel Journal 50 (Summer 02)

Warwick Kinrade mentions the Squats “Counts As” article from issue 33 as one of his favorite articles (p. 7).

While they were banned from White Dwarf in 1999, the Citadel Journal provided a warm refuge for the Squats until 2002.


Troll had 80 issues published from January 1998 (White Dwarf 216) and October 2004 (White Dwarf 297). Troll was a supplement that was sent to White Dwarf subscribers in the US and Canada, usually 8 or so black and white pages, but some issues were much larger with color pictures. Troll also occasionally featured conversion kits along with stats for using them, as well as offering some limited release miniatures.

Despite its main mission of selling old range miniatures, Troll magazine was a Squat-Free Zone, with the exception of Issue 7, which offered the Epic-scale Thunderfire for use with the Bommerz at da Sulfur River air-combat board game.

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